Persevering Power - Look Back

Part #2

“Don’t be so quick to dismiss the past that you fail to learn from it.”

~ Bruce Strom

I recently had a conversation with a friend about regret. It was powerful to take an honest look back at our lives and see areas where we both wished we had been more intentional with our decisions. We’ve all made decisions that lacked intentionality. Whether out of fear, uncertainty, or ignorance—we allowed our hopes, dreams, and desires to dry up like raisins in the sun. And before we knew it, time moved on, and we set our dreams aside for our new version of reality.

I once had a mentor tell me he had no regrets because he sees everything that happens as precisely what was supposed to happen. While I get this perspective and agree that it is crucial to see all of life as Coram Deo, that is, under the watchful eye of God. Moving on too quickly without reflecting on our past mistakes is dangerous.

In his book Persevering Power: Encouragement for When You’re Oppressed by Life, Bruce Strom says, “The past should be our teacher, not our master. We are students, not slaves. While our past describes us, it need not define us. The past can propel us forward or prevent forward progress.”

If we don’t allow ourselves to reflect on our regrets, we may not learn the lessons necessary to grow and persevere.

My friend and I ultimately got to the point in the conversation where we agreed that from now on, we want to be courageous and live without regret, but we were honest about our regrets. We found safety in our friendship to have a vulnerable conversation. This safety brought healing and resolve. We discussed how we can release the regret we both were experiencing, learn from the past, and not pass it on to those we lead—our wives and children.

“Our lineage is past, but our legacy is future. Each day is a new opportunity to create legacy. A legacy is not what you leave to someone, but what you leave in someone. You have the opportunity to learn from the past to change your future.” ~ Bruce Strom

Author and leader of Emotionally Healthy Discipleship Pete Scazzero often says, "You cannot give what you do not possess. You can only give what you do possess." In the second section of Strom's book, he teaches us the importance of Looking Back. When we look back, we take time to understand the past better, truly contemplating what we possess and how we have come to possess it. Learning why we move through the world the way we do. Looking back helps us to surrender the right things, and gain proper perspective. Strom says, "Looking back involves understanding where we have come from to position us for where we are going. But looking back also involves reflecting on the provision of God. Praise is rooted in past gratitude."

This is where we ultimately move. Despite our mistakes and regrets, we see how God was at work in us, even in broken situations. I believe in God's sovereignty, but I do not believe that everything that happens is God's will.

Reconciling human will, depravity, and God’s sovereignty can be challenging.

As we grow and mature, we see, like Joseph, that what was meant for evil can be used for our good and God’s glory. That’s why I can appreciate what my mentor used to say, even if I prefer a more nuanced approach to regret.

“Never allow the chains of your past to define your present and inhibit your future. Today is a new day. Dare to embrace it differently.” ~ Bruce Strom

Have you ever felt this way? Looking at the past, you detect this strange longing, grief, and regret. We’ve all been there, and sometimes, instead of looking back and feeling a sense of sobriety, all you have is a sense of shame.

Shame is never an appropriate gospel response.

Have you read Olivia Ward Bush-Banks's beautiful but heartbreaking poem "Regret"? In it, she ponders how regret turns into grief, which seems to end in shame.

Regret

I said a thoughtless word one day,
A loved one heard and went away;
I cried: “Forgive me, I was blind;
I would not wound or be unkind.”
I waited long, but all in vain,
To win my loved one back again.
Too late, alas! to weep and pray,
Death came; my loved one passed away.
Then, what a bitter fate was mine;
No language could my grief define;
Tears of deep regret could not unsay
The thoughtless word I spoke that day.

~ Olivia Ward Bush-Banks 1869-1944

How sad, but oh, how honest. Sometimes, you must face that your decisions break things that cannot be easily put back together or undone. People die, relationships end, seasons change, and we aren't allowed to go back and redo or right a wrong. So, what do you do if you find yourself in a similar situation? You seek forgiveness and reconciliation if possible, but if the person is unwilling or unable to forgive, you leave space for them while learning to carry on. You permit yourself to try again. You acquire the practice of surrendering to the Lord while also praying that as long as there is still time for true reconciliation, God will make a way. To not be held captive by the past, you must incorporate the rhythm of forgiving yourself and others—and—releasing them to God.

In short, you allow God to redeem your past while leading you into the future as you grow in your persevering power.

Did you know that one of the words for "blessing" in Hebrew is "deror?" This word means "to release" or "set free." Deror is used to loudly proclaim once and for all the release of a debt. When the word "deror" is used, it means that we have been blessed through freedom or release! Let me say it another way: when you forgive yourself or forgive others, you set them free, and you experience freedom.

You bless them and yourself to receive something new.